HOW I GOT HERE…

I think that at some point we ask our significant others why they love us and what they love about us.  I think it’s  safe to assume we asked this question for the wrong reasons.  We asked out of insecurity, fear, or need for validation.  A reason that we thought was significant for us to feel loved.  I recall many times throughout my life when I needed to feel loved or validated because I didn’t love or accept myself.  Along the same lines I also recall avoiding the risk of being hurt by avoiding intimate relationships.

I have heard so many people say that after reaching a certain age they finally love or accept themselves.  Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people and I’m wondering if age really is a factor? I do understand that we evolve and things that were important to us in our early 20’s may not be as important in our 30’s, but waiting 30 plus years to love yourself is a really long time!  Does the shift happen in your 30’s…40’s…50’s…increasing your own love and acceptance with each passing decade? Does it happen when you recognize the patterns that you keep repeating, until you’re standing face to face with your own reflection? When you finally come to the conclusion that all of the relationships and insecurities have one repetitive theme in common…YOU?  Is this when you finally see yourself and know that you must start loving and accepting yourself because if you depend on someone else to provide that, it will never be enough to fill you up?  Or worse, they won’t know how to love you the way that you need to feel loved? Or when we begin to take their actions or lack thereof personally which leads us to feeling unloved, rejected or unable to measure up to a certain standard that we think we should use to measure ourselves? Usually this measure is by comparing ourselves to a standard set by others; an unrealistic standard that we develop early on in life. A standard that breeds a certain self contempt instead of standard that promotes self love and beauty from within.  Hopes and wishes for a new personalized standard set by the individual and not an industry is how I got here…